Poems · Poemvember 2018 · poetry · Uncategorized


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“Sand Paper”

A friend of mine once had a million dollar idea.

He thrust it upon me when I least expected it.

Simply put, he wanted to hire yoga enthusiasts to wear clothes made from sand paper.

And, he’d have them take yoga classes on newly laid wooden floors, or old worn wooden floors that needed to be sanded.

He was convinced that it was an appropriate marriage

Although, I’m not sure he gave it a whole hell of a lot of thought.

I’m very certain that it was not likely he thought about the sweat mixing with the dust.

Nor, did he think about the perverts in the back that like to stare a the women in the front and make them uncomfortable.

He told me that he was going to pitch his idea to Lululemon, and then take it to the HGTV network, as well as over to the guys at the This Old House TV show.

He was quite animated when talking about all the opportunities this idea could present.

So I asked him, “How do you get the sand paper to stay on the clothes?”

He said that was an issue for research and development, and that he was just an idea guy.

Well, that was some time ago, and he contacted Lululemon, HGTV, and the guys a the This Old House TV show.

He never heard back.

So he’s onto his next great idea, concerning tiny cameras mounted in eyeglass frames.

He said you could conceivably use them to take pictures of people without them knowing.

He chuckled as he read his list of possible clients: paparazzi, perverts, antifa, law enforcement.

He thought that it would be neat to have them all outfitted with his special, what did he call them? His special “X-ray” glasses.

This idea was not as unexpected as the first, as a precedent had been reached by this point.

So he’s in the beginning stages of shopping his idea around. I told him to start with law enforcement first, they might really appreciate a tool like this.

Me, I’m just at the Home Depot buying sand paper for a small bench project.

Holding the sand paper in my hand, I realize how much of an asshole my friend is.

Then as I look up, I spot a healthy young woman across the aisle.

I can’t help but notice how great she looks in her yoga pants.

I stared a bit too long, and she caught me.

 She gave me a derisive look; much deserved.

And, I thought, hmmmm? Maybe sand paper yoga isn’t such a bad idea.



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