“Daddy, will I be forgotten?”

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“Sky is Falling”  © C.P. Hickey 2015

Lying in bed with the kids after story time, and Atticus casually says:
“Daddy, will I be forgotten?”
It hit me like a hammer blow to the gut. I try to comprehend how my little 6 year old boy could harbor such a worry in his heart.
It’s was strange to have the back and forth that followed, and somewhat full of love and grace.
Prior to his question, earlier today, he came to hear Lissette and I talking about the little boy that was killed in Barcelona, in last week’s terror attack.
 
“Daddy, will I be forgotten?”
“Absolutely, not, Atty, that’s why we named you Atticus. And your sister Lenore, and your brother Paul. You will have children and grandchildren, and you will never be forgotten.”
 
Heavy lifting on a Sunday Night. More hugs, more cuddles, more kisses.
 
If you know me, then you know how deeply I reflect on mortality. I just never thought it would be something that my 6 year old child would worry about.
 
The kids surprise me everyday.
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Bran Flakes and Heartaches…but Get a Load of dem dar Sunflowahs

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Regularity is a good. Most especially for kid’s bedtimes and stupped colons. If you don’t have regularity for either, there is no end to the amount of shit that can keep you in distress if the schedule is not adhered to. This past weekend posed a great challenge to my parenting ability.

Humbled!

Learning curve is large, and keeping my ego in check is impossible at times. A need a shepherd to lead me to the land of the reinvigorated. I lament the absence of my forebears for the comfort that relating shared experience could have provided. Necessity calls for me to believe that they had to have known. And I smile at the humor I could have provided them for my bold ambition in trying to create sustained peace among my brood. Chaos reigns for periods of 12-14 hours, then decompression, disbelief, and the acceptance of it reoccurring the next day.

Don’t be fooled by my malaise. I’m an extremely lucky man, and I’ve sown this outcome. I love it. Them. Us.

Sometimes, I just need to blow off raindrops, and wiggly-waver in the breeze. Sitting in the sun, shining on.

 

Observations on a Recent Consumer Safari…

shopping

words overheard: “I’m allergic to lettuce.”

sights seen: a little girl in a princess costume dancing to her own music

things felt: the cold hard metal of a shopping cart as it rammed my calf

odors smelled: the rancid citrus urine from the plastic bathrooms

tastes collected: the cinnamon granola samples given by sample trolls

words overheard: “Put it down! You’re not getting it!”

sights seen: A leather toupée, I repeat, a leather toupée

things felt: the heat blower blowing hot air at the entrance door

odors smelled: popcorn and pizza from the convenience cafe

tastes collected: a small sample of a dumpling dipped in salty soy sauce

words overheard: “If not for bad luck, I would have none at all.”

sights seen: a shopping cart full of bad food choices being pushed by a 376 lb. woman

things felt: guilt for judging the 376 lb. woman

odors smelled: the overpowering smell of rubber in the automotive area

tastes collected: the creamy zip of tangy sherbert

words overheard: “How do you..she don’t like that…hunh?

sights seen: yes, stretch pants with stirrups

things felt: the dodgy broken shopping cart wheel sticking again

odors smelled: the wafting cloud of store bread being baked

tastes collected: pleasantly delicious mini hot dog bagel combo

words overheard: “Helen, do we really need that?”

sights seen: High School Musical paraphernalia everywhere

things felt: the stares of people as I dance to my own music

odors smelled: wet sawdust that covers the vomit near the rugs

tastes collected: my own bad breath from eating all the samples

words overheard: “I can’t do that right now, Shelia. I’m on break for cripse sakes!”

sights seen: stranded shopping carts full of misplace items

things felt: my leg falling asleep as the lady in line argues every total

odors smelled: the exhaust of passing cars in the parking lot

tastes collected: the last swig of flat coca-cola classic left in the car overnight