Top Ten Tuesdays: Top Ten Foods That Make Me Say “Skeevatsah!!!!”

Here is a list of the Top Ten Foods That Make Me Say, “Skeevatsah!!!!”

Skeevatsah, is a word my mother used when she was grossed out by something.

 

10. Mushrooms-mostly a texture thing with me, but sometimes a smell issue. Hold the mushrooms please, I don’t want sliced brain samples on my pizza.

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9. Deviled Eggs-what devil bastard came up with this atrocity? “Hey! I have an idea. Let’s boil a dozen eggs, crack em, halve them, take all of the stinky sulfur yolks out, mix them together in mayonnaise, sprinkle them with paprika, and just for shits and giggles, put the mix back into the halved egg whites, and then serve them up on a platter.”

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8. Artichokes-again a texture and smell issue, but how can one be blamed for not wanting to eat a food that contains the word “choke” hiding within it? In addition, an artichoke looks as if it contains one of those Aliens in it, and all it needs to do is open up and shoot out attaching to your face while it implants eggs in your stomach. NO!

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7. Sushi-no raw dogging for me. I don’t like fish. I like raw fish even less. Sea weed is a salty nasty. Īe, kekkōdesu (no thank you in Japanese)

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6. Eggs-ok I already said deviled eggs, but deviled eggs are so nasty in my opinion, they deserve their own miserable entry. So no matter how cooked they are, eggs suck. period. Boiled, fried, scrambled, etc. I can only eat them if I don’t see them, as when they are mixed ingredients in other foods like cake or cookies. Keep your runny yellow nasticiousness away from me.

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5. Beets-should be self-explanatory. Not worth the possibility of staining clothes, hands, etc.

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https://pixabay.com/en/beet-food-vegetable-red-beetroot-545775/

 

4. Bacalhau-a Portuguese dish of dried and salted cod. Lived next to an endearing Portuguese Family for a year in Cambridge, MA. Every Tuesday like clock work, I’d be awoken from my post work nap with the aroma of garlic and dried and salted cod. Just a mere whiff of this dish, causes my head to spin.

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https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/39/Bacalhau_a_Bras.jpg

 

3. Sausages-down, down, down, with the encased gristle and fat of ground meat and fennel seeds. Not my comfort food. Probably the only thing on the list I can actually eat without gagging. Mostly only as breakfast links, or on a pizza.

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https://pixabay.com/en/sausage-pepper-biter-spicy-eat-3065327/

 

2. Tomatoes-like George Carlin before me I loathe the “jelly-looking” things. Out of all the things on this list, it’s the one I’ve been able to come around on the most, and eat regularly. But it doesn’t stop the guttural reaction from happening when I cut open a tomato or get those seeds on my fingahs. SKEEVATSAH!

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1. Mayonnaise-In my estimation, the absolute worst substance known to man. And it is considered edible. Not only does it smell gross to my sense, but it feels, looks, and sounds gross when touched, looked at, or dumped out. The white color is tricky because it allows the dirty mayonnaise to hide in other foods, under the false guise of sour cream. I go absolute bonkers if I order a sandwich without mayonnaise, and the person making it puts it on their anyways. Keep your goddamned slimy egg and oil aiolis out of my food. Adding mayonnaise to a food in order to hydrate it, means that you need to stop making dry foods. All foods that contain mayo, deviled eggs, tuna fish sandos, egg salads, potato salads, any lobster or crabmeat sandos, give it to the next guy. I’m mayonnaise free, and will slap a slice of bread schmeered with mayonnaise out your hand before you get too close. I loved my father, I truly did, but that dude ate tomato and mayonnaise toasted sandos. Forever unclean!

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http://www.justsimplyhealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/mayonnaise.jpeg

 

 

SKEEVATSAH!

Top Ten Tuesdays: Top Ten Things That Make Me Feel Neato

Welcome, to my latest measure of procrastination!

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Tuesdays are now

“Top Ten Tuesdays”

 

And the list…of the top ten things that make me feel neato!

 

10. The Twofer-when you purchase an item from the vending machine, but two items fall into the collection receptacle. Can someone say “Peanut M&M’s!” ?

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“Hanging Out” © C.P. Hickey 2018

 

 

9. The Unplanned Express-when you set out to drive to your destination expecting misery, but you catch every light and there is hardly any traffic or construction delays along the route. Getting to a colonoscopy early is an added bonus.

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“Highway Man” © C.P. Hickey 2018

 

8. The Finding Cheddah-no matter if you find it on the ground while walking, in a freshly laundered pant pocket, or in an envelope from a score of years ago, finding money is always a special. The folks at Dunks appreciate it when I find money.

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“Crumpled Notes” © C.P. Hickey 2018

 

 

7. The After You-when you arrive at a location as the same time as someone else and you say “After You,” and then they say “After You.” And you realize that you could possibly be stuck in a Mobius Strip of After Yous, so you proceed forward before it gets uncomfortable. Not only do you get points for courtesy, but you get to be the first one to get prime picks of the newly discounted Peeps.

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6. The Kid Napped-when all the kids, pets, and anxieties of your life succumb to sleep. Now a good chunk of time to do with as you please, but ultimately you fall asleep trying to figure out what to do with your liberty.

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“Lucy Begobah” © Lissette Alvarado 2018

 

 

5. The Amazon Prime-when your out in public and nature calls, your expectations of available bathroom possibilities makes your cramps seem like birth contractions. Somehow, by chance you happen upon a clean, well lit, and warm bathroom that hasn’t been fuddled up by some harried hovering hoggithah that usually streaks the seat. Be like the birds ladies, nest! nest! nest!

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“Safety Zone” © C.P. Hickey 2018

 

4. The Pet Detective-when your watching BBC Detective shows and you figure out the killer before the Chief Inspector does. It makes you question your scholastic choices, and regret not going to Bunker Hill Community College for an Associates Degree in Criminal Justice. So sorry, Pet.

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3. The Rainy Day-sleeping comfortably on an inclement weekend morning. Hovering in cotton warmth somewhere between sleep and consciousness with the pitter patter of lolling raindrops against the slightly cracked window. Then suddenly realizing that it’s actually Thursday, and that you were supposed to be in work two hours ago.

 

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2. The Stratego-when you arrive at your destination and there is a parking spot right in front, which you can pull into without any difficulty. It starts to sink in that the place is closed, when you attempt to open the front doors and they are locked.

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  1. The Unexpected Journey-when you go out for a night on the town with old friends, and the circumstances arise where you either meet or exceed all of your bad habits and vices, and somehow between the first pint at the local watering hole in Boston, and the last shot somewhere in the Arizona desert, or is it Mexico, you awaken without pants and dignity, and shake an admonishing fist at the sky, as if God had anything to do with your poor choices and midlife crises. Hangovers get uglier over the course of the day and the amount of water you need to recalibrate can only be gained if the polar ice cap melts and is pumped directly into your veins. Ahhhhhh, good times, great times! Neato!

 

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“Slainte” © C.P. Hickey 2018