Welcome, to my latest measure of procrastination!

Tuesdays are now

“Top Ten Tuesdays”

And the list…of the top ten things that make me feel neato!

10. The Twofer-when you purchase an item from the vending machine, but two items fall into the collection receptacle. Can someone say “Peanut M&M’s!” ?

9. The Unplanned Express-when you set out to drive to your destination expecting misery, but you catch every light and there is hardly any traffic or construction delays along the route. Getting to a colonoscopy early is an added bonus.

8. The Finding Cheddah-no matter if you find it on the ground while walking, in a freshly laundered pant pocket, or in an envelope from a score of years ago, finding money is always a special. The folks at Dunks appreciate it when I find money.

7. The After You-when you arrive at a location as the same time as someone else and you say “After You,” and then they say “After You.” And you realize that you could possibly be stuck in a Mobius Strip of After Yous, so you proceed forward before it gets uncomfortable. Not only do you get points for courtesy, but you get to be the first one to get prime picks of the newly discounted Peeps.

6. The Kid Napped-when all the kids, pets, and anxieties of your life succumb to sleep. Now a good chunk of time to do with as you please, but ultimately you fall asleep trying to figure out what to do with your liberty.

5. The Amazon Prime-when your out in public and nature calls, your expectations of available bathroom possibilities makes your cramps seem like birth contractions. Somehow, by chance you happen upon a clean, well lit, and warm bathroom that hasn’t been fuddled up by some harried hovering hoggithah that usually streaks the seat. Be like the birds ladies, nest! nest! nest!

4. The Pet Detective-when your watching BBC Detective shows and you figure out the killer before the Chief Inspector does. It makes you question your scholastic choices, and regret not going to Bunker Hill Community College for an Associates Degree in Criminal Justice. So sorry, Pet.

3. The Rainy Day-sleeping comfortably on an inclement weekend morning. Hovering in cotton warmth somewhere between sleep and consciousness with the pitter patter of lolling raindrops against the slightly cracked window. Then suddenly realizing that it’s actually Thursday, and that you were supposed to be in work two hours ago.

2. The Stratego-when you arrive at your destination and there is a parking spot right in front, which you can pull into without any difficulty. It starts to sink in that the place is closed, when you attempt to open the front doors and they are locked.

1. The Unexpected Journey-when you go out for a night on the town with old friends, and the circumstances arise where you either meet or exceed all of your bad habits and vices, and somehow between the first pint at the local watering hole in Boston, and the last shot somewhere in the Arizona desert, or is it Mexico, you awaken without pants and dignity, and shake an admonishing fist at the sky, as if God had anything to do with your poor choices and midlife crises. Hangovers get uglier over the course of the day and the amount of water you need to recalibrate can only be gained if the polar ice cap melts and is pumped directly into your veins. Ahhhhhh, good times, great times! Neato!